Siblings and Family Balance

We touched briefly on sibling relationships in Chapter 29; in this chapter, we'll look at them in more detail. The siblings of a child with autism go through an experience all their own -- one that is both rich and challenging.

Emotions Siblings May Feel

Research and clinical observations show that the siblings of a child with autism often feel the following emotions -- sometimes all at once, in contradictory ways: deep love and protectiveness, jealousy (the feeling that parental attention is shared unevenly), embarrassment (especially around peers), guilt (blaming themselves for feeling jealous or angry), and sometimes a sense of responsibility that matures early. None of these feelings is "wrong" -- they're all natural reactions to a complex family dynamic.

Open Communication With Siblings

Explaining autism to siblings in age-appropriate language -- giving honest, simple answers to the question "Why does my brother/sister sometimes act like this?" -- reduces the anxiety that comes from uncertainty. It's important to answer siblings' questions without judgment, to open up a safe space for them to express their feelings (including jealousy), and to regularly give them the message: "You are an important member of this family."

Tip / Practical Suggestion

Plan weekly, uninterrupted "special time" with each sibling that belongs to them alone -- even if it's just fifteen or twenty minutes. This small but consistent ritual reinforces the sibling's sense that "I matter too, and I'm seen."

Sibling Support Groups

Sibling support groups (organized by some autism associations and centers), which offer a chance to come together with other siblings who share the same experience, open up a valuable space for siblings to feel they're "not alone" and to share their experiences. If you have access to these kinds of groups, consider offering this experience to your other child.

Genetic Counseling and Siblings' Futures

Along with the recurrence risk in siblings we discussed in Chapter 4, keep in mind that as they grow up, siblings may become curious about the risk of autism in their own children. You can address this topic at an appropriate age by pointing them toward genetic counseling resources.